I Always Come Back
by comealongpond
Summary: She just needed to hold on a little longer. He couldn't leave her forever, not after all they'd been through.


**A/N: Obviously set before the 2011 Christmas Special.**

* * *

She could still hear his voice in her head, soft, like a whisper, getting quieter every day, "_I always come back._"

How many years of her life had she spent waiting for him? Certainly she'd spent much more time waiting than actually being with him. Was it worth it? "Shut up," she muttered to herself, "of course it was."

She tried to focus on their good times – the times they were together, not apart. She thought back to all the times he had saved her – he was crazy, but she couldn't help but be amazed every time he had come up with some absurd plan and saved the day. She laughed. Her Doctor. She would give anything for him to be here right now – he always knew how to blow her away, even if she didn't care to admit it.

Rory never blew her away when it came to anything, she thought, as she sat at the table, sipping her coffee idly. She had a clear view of the street from here. Her eyes focused on the very place she had watched the TARDIS evaporate for the last time, almost two years ago. She could almost hear the gentle "vroom" sound, but she knew it was just in her head. She was always imagining it.

Coffee. Such an adult drink. She put it down in disgust, suddenly hating the taste of it. When had she become such a grown up?

_Maybe when he left you_.

She rolled her eyes. Just because he wasn't here didn't mean she was "grown up."

She stared out of this window more than she should have. Rory always asked her if something was wrong, and she would say she was just thinking – not a lie, but still a vague answer. It was clear from the look in Rory's eyes that he knew she was thinking about _him_. She could see Rory's pain clearly etched in his face, and it made her feel awful. He was always second to the Doctor, wasn't he? It made her feel so bad that she would tear herself away from the window, forcing herself to smile and laugh with Rory, going back to being her normal cheerful self.

Amy wasn't happy, though. There was a part of her missing, a part that Rory had never been able to fill – not ever, no matter how hard he tried. Without her Doctor, Amy was incomplete. It had been that way ever since she was a little girl.

Someone who had been a part of her life for so long couldn't just up and _leave_.

Though he made a habit of it.

She tried to remain optimistic, but every day that passed, she felt a little more unsure that she would ever see him again.

When they said goodbye, she didn't think it would be forever. She assumed he would at least come to visit every once in a while, even if it was too "dangerous" to actually take her along with him. Did she do something wrong? Did he forget about her? She had spent her whole life being fixated on him, but to him…she was just another part of his life, one of his friends that flickered in and out whenever he pleased. She swallowed roughly, feeling a lump form in her throat.

She thought back to one night a few weeks ago. Amy had reached out for her husband, lying next to her in the bed, rousing him awake. When he regained his senses, he looked concerned – just like any loving husband would be when his wife, on the verge of tears, wakes him up at three in the morning. "Rory," she whispered, her voice cracking. "Do you think he's coming back?"

She had asked him this before – they talked about the Doctor from time to time, but usually just in casual conversation. Reminiscing. "I think he will," Rory said. "Someday." He kissed her lips in what was supposed to be a reassuring manner, but it didn't ease Amy at all.

But she stayed quiet, because she didn't like Rory to see her so weak.

She had been so driven with desire to see the Doctor lately that she would seek him out. She would leave signs and hints all over, hoping that he would see them sometime on his travels. She would find people he that knew, ask them if they had seen him recently. When River would stop by, Amy would practically beg her to get the Doctor in contact with them. But there was never any luck.

And it drove her _crazy_.

Some nights, she would grow so frustrated that she would have a breakdown, crying hysterically and demanding an answer as to why he wasn't here. She didn't know who she expected to answer her. God, perhaps – but if there was a God, she was sure He had no control over the Doctor.

It was amazing how vulnerable his absence had made her, really. She was falling apart, getting worse with each and every day. If he ever did come back, she would probably be beyond repair. Rory kept her together, but he couldn't mend her completely.

The Girl Who Waited. That had been her title for far too long. Was this doomed to be her fate forever? Always waiting for something better? Given a taste of paradise only for a moment, just to have it snatched away from her again? Everything she was depending solely on a man who hadn't cared enough about her to check up on her even once in the past two years?

Every day she stared out that window, wishing that one day when she looked, there would be a brilliantly blue police box waiting for her.

She just needed to hold on a little longer. He had come back all the other times, and they _were_ best friends, after all. He would never leave her forever, not after all they'd been through. Not after all the promises he made to her, all the times he swore he would protect her, all the times he assured her that she was the most important thing in his life. She sure didn't feel important now.

Then she remembered a crucial piece of information – the Doctor lies.

Feeling slightly sick, Amy Williams turned away from the window and placed her coffee mug in the sink.


End file.
